"I'm sorry - this never happens"

"Did you?" [Sigh]

You did. You finally closed the deal with flavor of the week, and you barely achieved penetration. Well, that's embarrassing. Unfortunately, shit happens, and the only thing you can do is handle the situation gracefully, and figure out how to keep this from happening again.

If it's any consolation to you, the statistics are in: Guess what? This will affect all men at some point in their lives. If you know someone who claims that it never happened to him, he's full of shit. Though it is most common in younger men, it happens to all of us at some point, and don't be alarmed if it happens more than once. The cause is almost always psychological, but may also be caused by physical complications or a combination of the two. Regardless, if it happens regularly, then you might want to do some homework of your own - or simply read on.

Premature ejaculation, or PE [I love it - the medical peeps have acronyms for everything] by definition (which varies widely) is the inability to control ejaculation for less than 6 minutes, or - get this - 8 to 15 penetrating thrusts. Apparently, the average man can maintain control for 6 to 10 minutes after penetration, whereas the average woman requires 15-20 minutes to even get there. Where exactly does that leave us?

If you're that type, then the answer is, "who cares?" Though most of us get a laugh out of that one, we are largely pleasers by nature, and our sexual performance is a matter of status. The last thing a man wants is a bad reputation in the sack, right? Not only is a poor sexual performance bad for the ego, it will also complicate future encounters by adding anxiety to the equation.

The good news is that for most of us, PE is an anomaly and not the norm. Chances are that it's some hot, new, piece of ass that you have been thinking about tapping for weeks. You finally get your wish, and you were literally overwhelmed with excitement. New is always exciting, and this is hardly abnormal. If this is the case, then there is a right way to handle the situation, and there are super-secret preventative measures you can take for future encounters of this type.

Handling the Situation: Be cool. Getting frustrated and maybe even angry, though normal, will not help. I always recommend the honest approach, and if the situation is as I described above, then just TACTFULLY tell it like it is. For example, tell her that you were overwhelmed with excitement. She looked so good, and smelled so delicious, and you have been thinking about this moment for so long! I might even make a joke out of it, like, "...if you knew how much you turn me on, you'd be surprised I even made it out of my clothes!" The bottom line is that playing it cool is the only answer. Chances are she's run into this before, and how you finesse the situation will make the difference between a one-time or a repeat customer.

Super-Secret Preventative Measures: The hardcore truth from TorridArt.com, at your service. Though I cannot prescribe drugs, I can recommend seeking out a prescription from a qualified health care professional. Of course, I'm talking about the big V - Viagra. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. If it is safe for you to take, a moderate dose of the "blue diamond" will almost always give you the competitive edge, if not total domination in the sack. Your first 3-some? Definitely. There are other drugs that work the same angle, like Cialis and Levitra, but I say stick with big blue on this one since Viagra tends to pack more of a punch. I would, however, not recommend more than 50 mg (unless in the event of a 3-some) for normal, healthy men - especially if it's your first time. Viagra also makes a fast-acting chewable version that gets busy in like 5 minutes. A great gift idea, or the perfect accessory for your, "I don't know where I'm sleeping tonight," car kit where you keep your spare toothbrush and deodorant.

If PE is a regular occurrence for you, then you might want to consider some basic training. There are techniques that you can use to improve your performance. First and foremost, get in plenty of practice before you even leave the house. Spend some quality time with yourself. When you masturbate, quit trying to blow your load in less than a minute. I recommend trying to get close, then ease of the throttle. Practice control. Enjoy the experience, and try to delay ejaculation as long as possible. Case in point, you're on an adult site. Use it! Let's be honest: It might be 4 AM, but you're never in that big of a hurry.

You can also consider using two condoms. This will desensitize you, and thereby delay climax. There are gels and creams out there that basically amount to anesthetics, but I don't recommend that course of action, since the product will almost invariably find it's way into your partner. When that happens, she won't be able to feel much, then nobody gets satisfied.

There are other options out there for you, including therapy and other medications, but the bottom line is this: Be cool. It's probably gonna happen, so don't sweat it.